Yep, that’s right it’s time for Valentine’s Day. It is amazing how divisive one silly holiday can be.
Some people love Valentine’s Day; they really get into it. Whether it is an embellished sweater or strawberries dipped in chocolate – some folks eat it up. Then there are those who dread it. They resent being a pawn in the greeting card companies’ scheme to sell more stuff.
I don’t own stock in a greeting card company and don’t have a strong feeling one way or the other about Valentine’s Day. However, it’s here, so let’s make the most of it. After all, a day that we stop and focus on love, how can that be all-bad?
For some married folks Valentine’s Day can be challenging because it reminds them they just aren’t feelin’ it. Perhaps you’re at that place. You love your spouse, but don’t feel in love with your spouse. Do you find yourself staring at all of the Valentine’s cards and can’t find one that feels genuine?
If so, don’t despair. You don’t have to shoot Cupid with his own arrow. Instead make an effort to focus on love.
At some point you did feel in love with your spouse. Enough so that you decided to tie your lives together with a legally binding contract called marriage. There are a whole host of reasons why that feeling may have faded. But this Valentine’s Day, why not put some effort into remembering how you felt and let yourself feel it now.
Our brains are amazing – capable of remarkable things. However, they have a hard time discerning the difference between us doing something and us remembering something – the experience for the brain is the pretty much the same. So if you take time to be still, to be quiet and reflect on when you first fell in love, you will experience that feeling again.
Be still. Close your eyes (okay, after you’re done reading this) and remember what about your spouse first attracted you. When you originally met what drew you together? Even if was simply a feeling of safety and contentment let yourself feel this. Sit with the feeling – experience it in your heart – not just in your head.
If you are really open to this you probably noticed something – your heart felt different. Maybe warmer? Maybe it felt like it expanded a bit? You may have even noticed a smile come across your face as you remembered this happy time together. Don’t push away the feeling, let it take root.
I encourage you to make this a regular practice; don’t just do it once and forget it. Let this Valentine’s Day be a day that gets your attention and helps you experience love as a verb. Take time to really focus on love and let that be the foundation for a deeper connection with your spouse. And not just your spouse – everyone you care about.
Sure Valentine’s Day can be a drag if you’re in a relationship, but it can be a really lonely day for people who are not in a relationship, but would like to be. Let yourself feel love for these people in your life as well. Reach out to someone you think may be lonely, let them know you are thinking of them and care how they are feeling.
Flowers and cards are optional. Boxes of chocolates aren’t mandatory. But a day that has us stop and reflect on the love that we have for another human being – that kind of connection is something I’ll advocate for all year long!